Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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