Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
