Me too!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
