There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize