Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
