so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
