mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
