After last night, I could never be a politician.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
