There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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