The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
