Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
