Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
