I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
