Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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