you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
