he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
