what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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