I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
