girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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