That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
