the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize