My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
