Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
