I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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