happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
