Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
