I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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