I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
