I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
