I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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