Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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