I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
