i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
