You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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