Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
