that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
