I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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