It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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