I think I died a long time ago.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
