You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
