I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
