when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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