I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
