You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
