I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
