i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
