Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize