While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
