Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
