So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
