I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
