Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
