I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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