Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
