Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
