The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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