yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
