Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
