I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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