Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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