he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
