He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
