Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize