...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
