Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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