i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
