If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
